this is the place where i poured stories of my life, my thoughts, my feelings also my ideas.
there's excitement, sadness, laugh, desperate, anger, happiness, and other kind emotions.
i just hope that we can learn something..

Saturday, June 06, 2009

filling the space of a day or not


im sitting outside just enjoying this simple, quiet and beautiful night. its beginning of winter, kinda chilly, and im thinking, why am i doing this? my mind wont leave well-enough alone. it always wants me to DO something. almost like nagging.. but then im thinking, "how stupid/silly is that?" its past midnite, i need a good sleep but my mind has its own MIND and thinking.. come on, dance ur finger in the keyboard.. type type type.. think think think.. vomit vomit vomit.. thought thought thought..

gooosh, do i need to think about with i should do to fill this beautiful, virgin empty space of time? is it with good things that will help me and the bigger ME in the world at large?

uuhm maybe i should stop trying so hard.

it makes me sad to think that i might waste the time this "oh so precious" time. but what, exactly is a waste of time? isn't it true that we are always learning, no matter what? just as long as we're awake? and isn't it true that trying to fill up time might be no better than leaving it empty? im beginning to think that maybe empty is better!

after all, what do we fill the time with, anyway? what makes us think that anything is more important than just merely BEING? often something that i am convinced is so important, turns out not to be not much of anything. in the long run, when i look back at things i've done, im amazed to find that what i've filled my time with, is just so much drivel.

i guess i am finding it's better just to be to let the day be as empty as space itself. i like the feeling of "nothing planned" and "nothing to do." what's so bad about doing nothing? "nothing at all," i think...

absolutely nothing.

off to bed now.. with my eyes closed, but my mind still racing..

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